Today, we have a special guest post by our oldest brother, Matt. Yes, there are more brothers than just 4. We have 7 total Brothers and Crafts and 1 Sister and Craft...she's the youngest. Fun fact. Anyway, Matt provides good insight on style "do's and don'ts" for adult men. There are certainly many more "what not to wear" items, but these are among the most common that we unfortunately still see. Get ready for the most puns and creative examples you've ever seen. ENJOY!
How To Dress Like An Adult by Matt Chambers
Here are a few simple tips to remember as you shop for spring and summer.
1 // You are not a walking billboard.
Flashing a logo as a grown man can be as obnoxious as name-dropping that celebrity you met that one time in that one place at that one thing. It’s annoying. It gets an eye-roll. You’re better than that…and you can confidently dress to impress without it.
Here are four questions you should ask before you wear it in public:
No brand logo? Always 1st choice.
Small brand logo? If no logo isn’t an option.
Hand-sized logo? Only if you want EVERYONE in the stadium to know who you’re wearing.
Logo visible from space? They better be paying you.
2 // If “neck-beard” is the answer, you are asking the wrong question.
In my opinion, the neck beard is the worst fashion idea since Kanye’s leather jogging pants.
Very few men can effectively pull off the “I don’t shave my neck very often but it appears magnificently purposeful” look (e.g., Chris Hemsworth, Bradley Cooper, Jared Leto, and Tom Hardy), and even they rely on full-time stylists.
If you aren’t Amish, and can’t grow a proper beard, letting your neck hair grow out as a consolation prize isn’t fooling anyone.
Treat your razor, lather, and after-shave balm like immediate family, not the long-lost uncle you only see at periodic family reunions.
3 // Half-tucked is half-assed.
This shouldn’t take long: if you can’t be bothered to tuck your shirt all the way, never stop halfway.
Bonus pro-tip: If you plan to go untucked, ensure your top doesn’t also double as a short dress.
Glad we had this talk, son.
4 // Cargo and style are headed for a nasty breakup.
Remember when you needed two giant, bulky pockets a little bit lower on your trousers because the other four standard pockets just didn’t hold all the stuff you had to carry?
Basically, if you need cargo pants, you’re either Jack Bauer or in the military. Otherwise, find a good messenger bag or minimalist backpack for the excess.
5 // The Fray is a band, not an adjective for the bottom of your jeans.
Nothing says, “I don’t know how long my inseam is” quite like the the stringy bottom of a jean leg dragging across the floor like cans tied to the car of some newlyweds.
If you’ve stopped growing, too-long pant legs just look like wishful thinking. When your clothes fit correctly, it reflects in the way you carry yourself. Slouchy begets slouchy. Tailored begets “Hot damn, he knows how to dress!”
We might all put our pants on one leg at a time, but if there’s carelessness showing at the end of that leg, it matters more than you think. This isn’t the frat house any more. It’s time to exchange spring break for the big break.
If the shoes wear the man, heres are 2 final pieces of advice…
Solid wing-tips. Don’t go all Boardwalk Empire, just get a classic pair that you can use to dress up or dress down.
Flip-flops for every day of the week. No one outside your house needs to see your feet that often. Proceed with caution.
Your wardrobe and general appearance aren’t advertising anyone except you. Tell the people in the room who you are before you ever extend your hand or open your mouth. Catching someone’s eye across the bar, stepping into the office for an interview, making the big pitch to the board…everything that happens once they see you is filtered by the first impression.
- Matt C.